My Story, Lately…Pt. 3

As a new chapter starts in my life, I feel like it’s time to share it. You can read Parts One and Two by clicking the links.

This has, undoubtedly, been one of the craziest years of my life. If you’ve read the previous blog posts, then you know.

Quick Recap: A year ago, I put in my notice to quit a full-time job as a teller at a Credit Union. It was my full-time job, the way I paid my bills, my insurance, etc. I was also there for nearly 4 years, so it was my life as I knew it. I was, however, completely miserable. I cried before work, dreaded going to bed…I knew I needed out. So I had about a month of finding myself before I got a job at Old Navy, as a sales associate, for the holiday season. They kept me on after the holidays were over, and I was thankful for a paycheck. Now, things have changed again.

A large part of why the year has been so interesting, ever-changing, is because I’ve never truly known what I wanted to do. It’s one thing to dedicate yourself, your studies, your time, to an end goal. But when you don’t have an end goal, it’s so much harder. When you have the insecurities that I do on top of all that? Well, it’s nearly impossible. 
My mind: I’m not good enough for any job, I’m not worth more than x/hr, and other depressing thoughts.

My work at Old Navy was a welcome change from the past. I liked working with people of all ages in a fast-paced environment. I liked wearing whatever I wanted, listening to fun music, and making some friends along the way. The goal wasn’t to work at Old Navy forever, but I was happy there. Still, I knew I’d need something stable. When you work in retail, income is a fickle thing. If sales are great, the pay is great. But sometimes, there aren’t enough hours for everyone and your checks get smaller. The money wasn’t a massive issue (it always is, so forget that, it’s not about the money, I accept that it will always be stressful), but I started to get a little frustrated. My schedule was always different, and I ended up working a lot of evenings and weekends, meaning I barely had a summer and I barely saw my boyfriend. Still, I had no plans to leave the place. Then, something like Fate stepped in.

It was an early Sunday morning, price changing at work, when I was discussing with a co-worker the prospect of “dream jobs” or something like it, finding yourself working in a place you actually enjoy. I’ve had about a zillion thoughts on what I would like to do or what I would want to do, but it’s hard to get up the courage. Both my co-worker and I love books, so we were talking about jobs involving them…I, in particular, mentioned that I might enjoy working at a library.
Then, the next day, I went to my favorite library and….THEY WERE HIRING.
I kinda freaked out and froze. It really felt like it was meant to be.
First of all, I had only just vocalized that possibility the day before. Secondly, I have so many books…Kindle books, physical books, that I haven’t read and yet I still felt a pull to go to the library to find my next read.
The woman at the desk noticed that I was looking and asked if I wanted an application. I nodded, probably looking completely crazed. How was it possible that something I had just mentioned could become real?

After two interviews, I was offered the job!
Normally, I would’ve been anxious, shaking and sweating the morning of my first day. Not this time.
Something just felt right.

Initially, I was going to work a couple of shifts a week at Old Navy at the same time, but my first day, they offered me more time at the library and a small bump in pay…so…I basically felt like my dreams were coming true. It saddened me to say goodbye to ON, because I liked working there and didn’t leave on bad terms. But I wanted (want) to fully dedicate myself to this new position. I work in Reference and Youth Services (sitting near the YA novels brings me life) and I’ve been having a great time learning the system and absorbing everything around me. For once, I feel like I have a job that can build and boost my resume for a potential career, or that could grow and change into one.

I’m fully aware that I’m in the Honeymoon stage and that even a month from now, I could turn out to loathe the job. I personally can’t imagine what would make me despise it quite so much, grumpy patrons aside (when you’re in customer service as long as I’ve been, it’s just part of the deal). For now, though, I feel like I took a step in the right direction. A step that is taking me to a new place, a place away from the same stagnant jobs I’ve held in the past.

And finally, I feel like it’s proof that positive thinking (and manifest destiny) are real things. When I initially thought about being a teller, I had mentioned it to a friend and she helped me get the job that supported me for almost 4 years. And now, after sharing a dream about working in a library, a door opened that may not have if I had never said anything (or I never would’ve known). When you’re honest with yourself and others about what you want, it’s easier to achieve.

So here’s to the new chapter, and to whatever it may bring next!

Fine, September. Let’s Do This.

I just have to say that I’m currently writing this while sitting on the front porch in a rocking chair, drinking iced green tea. It’s really nice. I want to remember that if I look back on this post in the future.

It is currently the 8th of September, which means we are a full week into the beginning of the end of the year.
All the beer distributors have their Oktoberfest and pumpkin beers ready, and, of course, Starbucks has their Pumpkin Spiced Latte and Dunkin’ has their pumpkin-spiced everything. Halloween decorations are available (and even decorating) most stores, and the kids are back in school.

I love Autumn. I do. It’s a more recent development for me, something that’s come with “adulthood”. Since I don’t have a 3 month summer vacation anymore, I can appreciate the fall season in a different way…it’s the same life, but with pretty foliage and mulled (and spiked) cider (another thing I couldn’t enjoy as a kid). But there’s something about this whole summer being nearly over that’s got me in a funk.

Working crazy shifts any given day of the week might be why, but I didn’t really feel summery this year. There were only a handful of dips in the pool, two beach days, maybe one cookout. Every free weekend I had was because of an obligation (a bunch were fun ones, like weddings) that didn’t include lazing around in a bathing suit. I feel like I didn’t get to LIVE my summer. I didn’t go to the hometown auction or drink bottles of summer shandy on the back porch with my friends. I can’t help but feel like one of the greatest times of the year went by and I hardly noticed. There’s also something about August that puts me in a mood. Maybe it’s because I know the clock is ticking on summer fun.

Things have been changing around in my life, and it’s good and weird and a little stressful and a lot exciting.
So I’m going to try and make peace with the summer that has passed in order to make room for the upcoming fall.
Luckily, there are tons of things to look forward to, like…

Cardigans and button down shirts. Booties. Pumpkin coffee and pumpkin muffins and pumpkin pumpkins (I won’t have anything pumpkin for at least another week…sorry guys, it’s too early!). Crisp, clear autumn days. The mind-blowing colors of the leaves. Cuddly movie nights in. Better hair (no humidity). Halloween decorations and maybe a party and maybe a fun costume. Walks in cemeteries and plenty of photo opportunities. Chili and sour cream and cornbread.

I guess I am ready, after all.

On the way.

Last Friday, we drove Maria out to her new home in Virginia. I drove with Maria (so she could bring her car) and my dad drove behind us with Artie. Super cute. The drive was interesting…apparently we didn’t take the “typical” route there and had a couple of moments of worrying we were lost (we were not). What’s a road trip without all that craziness?
Here are some photos from our adventure.

 

Making sure we have everything!

 

Officially driving…a road trip cannot begin without coffee! I had my first iced coffee of the season! It probably sounds super geeky, but I was waiting for the right moment to reintroduce it. I can’t think of a better time!

 
 

After a moment of “where are we?” , we stopped at Wawa.
I got another iced coffee (you can’t stop me now!) and we checked on Artie.

“Nice bridge!” Maria said. “Oh yeah, that is nice.” “No…it’s Nice Bridge.” As in, that’s what it’s called.

 
 

Arriving in Virginia and getting close to our destination meant driving with the windows down and enjoying temps in the 70s. Crossed another bridge with this beautiful bridge. We may have gotten there an hour or so later than intended, but we wouldn’t have seen this view if we arrived earlier!

Welcome to the neighborhood!

I have some more photos from our time, mostly sight-seeing on Saturday. Initially, we planned to stay into Sunday, but we ended up coming home late Saturday. I can’t wait to visit as soon as possible…I already miss my sister.

My Story, Lately…Pt. 2

I just missed the 6 month mark since I quit my full-time job at the CU. I realize that I forgot because…well, I don’t really care about that place at all anymore. In my mind, this is a good thing. I’ve rid my palette (for the most part) and am slowly moving on. 6 months seems both short and long. I’m not where I thought I would be but then again…where did I think I would be? You know?

I mentioned in the first post that I got a seasonal part-time gig at Old Navy towards the end of October. I’m glad my gap in unemployment isn’t too big for my resume. After working the crazy holiday season, I was asked to stay on as a actual “sellebrity” which was exciting because A) I needed to keep working for money and B) not many people were asked to stay and I am so glad I was one of those people. It’s been a strange experience. The schedule is frustrating (I work basically every Saturday from 1-9, meaning I don’t get to have the normal fun weekends that other people do and I often work shifts that start at 5 or 6 am) because it’s not consistent and I never know what day it is. In the beginning, I was getting very few hours. One week, I literally worked a total of 8 hours. One day of work for a whole week. BUT, things looked up after our trip to Mexico. I started getting more and more shifts, usually working around 5 days a week (shifts ranging from 4-9 hours, which is great for retail!). Bigger paychecks, more face time to show what I can do.

Mexico (and the introduction of the Happier app around that time) really helped me put things in a positive perspective. I am prone to focus on the downside of the situation, but I have been enlightened. Life is a little bit easier to bear when you remember the little things that actually matter at the end of the day, week, month, year, decade.

Recently, a friend of mine died. We weren’t extremely close, our friendship existing more-so in one of the best summers of my life, 2012. The last time I spoke with him was before I quit Cross Valley. I was stopping at the liquor store to grab a much-needed bottle of cheap wine and he happened to be there, too. What was supposed to be a 5 minute (or less) stop turned into a half hour of talking. Catching up on the basics and eventually talking about my conundrum.
Though I hadn’t seen him since then, that conversation still sticks with me. When he passed away last week, I was in shock…we all were. And that’s because we all have had great experiences with him. He was a happy guy who enjoyed the finer things in life (“diamond taste” is how his stepmother put it) and left a piece of himself with every person he met (as his father put it). It’s so true. My sister, who was around him a few times, still remembers a conversation about a steak restaurant with him. That was probably over a year ago…but it stuck with her. The reason I believe this is the case is because he lived his life joyously. Everyone has problems and I didn’t know him well enough to know those…but what I saw of him was cigars and tall glasses of wine with tons of ice cubes. He was undeniably himself, no matter what.
It was sad to realize, but there was also a peace of mind to the fact that he touched so many lives in his short time and that we can all remember the positivity of his living.

That was a huge diversion, but it helps my point. That small conversation and our short friendship has stayed with me more than the drama of a place I worked at for 4 years. The good things, guys. The good, even little, things.

Being totally honest, I haven’t been looking for a full-time job and I need to get back on that horse. What I’m doing now is a huge step away from what I was doing, and I enjoy it very much. I love wearing whatever I want, listening to fun music, working with cool people of all ages, talking about clothes with the customers. But it’s not stable enough and I need to get a move on with my life. I desperately want to move out of my parents’ house (yeah, I’m still there) and work on future things like marriage. Those things can’t happen until I find that stability that I had with a full-time job minus the soul-sucking part of it all. Every job will have it’s moments, but it can’t be consistent and stagnant like that.

I realize I might not always get it right, and that I’m not exactly getting it right at the moment.
Am I in a happier place? Definitely. I could be a lot better, though. I want to grow up, but it’s hard.
The main issues is that I have no idea what I want to do and how to figure that out.
Suggestions are extremely welcome.

I will say, though, that it has been fun finding myself in different ways. Through scrapbooking and crafts, through opening myself up to people I didn’t think I would get along with, through being honest with myself and my family and friends and Brad about what I want (in the long-run), and even through the breakdowns that occur every so often when I experience a huge dose of reality. I am a jumbled mess and I have so much more work to go.
Hopefully, in the next six month review, I will be at a whole new place in my life.
Time to get to work.

My Story, Lately…

I realize that I haven’t shared the story of my life right now.
For a while now, I’ve wanted to start a new blog. I’m still working on it and I write pieces for it regularly, but the space isn’t ready yet and I don’t want to launch it undone. So, for now, I figured I would share the story of my life for the past two months, as it has been one of the weirder periods of my life.

Starting at the beginning, I first got my job as a teller at a local credit union in November of 2009. I was working part-time at Blockbuster before that (still one of my favorite jobs ever, I will miss you BB!), but back then, you got kicked off your parents’ health insurance the month you graduated and, of course, you were expected to immediately have a job. Graduating in the middle of the recession was tough, for all my friends. But especially someone like me, who majored in mass communications, a tough field as it is, with no actual direction. In an effort to make more money and not live in my robe on my days off (which was 5 out of 7 days a week), I put in a resume to the credit union and got the job pretty quickly, thanks to a college friend who worked there.

I was scared the first day. So much to learn and to know and be wary of. Many jobs have risk factors, but dealing with money is always a frightening thing. You don’t want to make errors. Despite my initial doubts, though, I did pretty well pretty quickly and I felt comfortable in the job. I liked having a set schedule with paid holidays, PTO, incentive and Christmas bonuses, and health insurance. It was a great way to get started in the workforce.

I didn’t love the job all of the time, there were many days I cried, but I didn’t really start to hate my job until the summer of 2011. Things got rough for me, with anxiety and depression crippling the already stressful nature of my job, and I really wanted an out. Though I looked for jobs frequently, I didn’t have much luck. I could’ve searched harder, but I would be so wiped, so tired just from the anxiety, that I’d end up throwing on sweats and being lazy. I’d feel productive around 10 a.m., but 5 p.m. would roll around and it was gone.

This year was the last straw. Not only was I having a hard time with the job personally, it got bad professionally.
Morale was at an all-time low and I dreaded getting out of bed in the morning. I came back from vacation not refreshed, but completely on edge. I was jealous of people who actually felt like they had been productive at work. 
I would have shitty days or okay days. I never came home feeling like I learned something or succeeded.
I was stagnant and making the least amount of money of anyone I knew. (Money, by the way, isn’t the most important thing to me. But at the crappy job, it didn’t help that I wasn’t making any. Still living at home. No car of my own. Paycheck to paycheck and no joy to make it worthwhile.)

Towards the end of August, I had an epiphany: I don’t have to stay here.
Silly, I know, as we in America are lucky enough to have this free will. But I didn’t think it possible. No real nest egg, no future prospects, the fear of letting people down both at work and at home by just leaving.
But after the billionth morning of crying, Brad had convinced me that I really should do it.
I still wasn’t sure…but I went to work the following week and cried within the first hour of being there. Not a couple of tears, but rather a hysterical burst. That was it. I’d been able to keep my composure at work, but not any more.
The next day, I handed in my notice. My final day was September 27th, Brad’s birthday.

To be honest, transitioning out of that work schedule was super easy. I really didn’t like it, so it never felt like I was missing something. I was finally trying get things back. I also have had the pleasure of sharing unemployment/semi-employment (as I like to call it, with my friend Jenna), with one of my best friends. We were both sick my first week and shared in each other’s fears and excitements for the future. Neither of us had left our jobs the same way, but they were both unhealthy environments. We are better off without them, absolutely.

I’ve had a majority of crises since that last day.
What am I going to do with my life? Am I capable?
Will I actually find a job? Can I find something that will give my life purpose and meaning?
I ask myself these questions every second of every day.

I’ve had a few interviews, one of which I was really excited about. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out.
In the meantime, I’ve started working at Old Navy part-time for the season. I’m happy to be making some money and getting out of the house. It’s rough sometimes. The schedule changes every week and most days I start work at 6 am.
It’s not the end-all, of course. But at least I actually feel productive there! I don’t just stand at a register. I help do things behind the scenes and it’s fun! I’m still looking for the next chapter every day, but I will say that I’m happy to be doing this (and not dreading every single work day) and struggling a little than I did having a full-time job that I hated.

I wouldn’t recommend the way I did things to everyone. If I could’ve, I would’ve saved more and really dedicated my life to finding a job to transition into. But I was at a point that I felt like, if I didn’t just leave, I’d never leave. Seriously.
That scared me more than anything. I could say that I wouldn’t be there next month or next year, but I knew it wouldn’t happen. I needed to take the leap. So I did. Life is a rollercoaster, every day, and I want to make my life meaningful.
I have a hard time staying motivated, dedicating myself to the hunt…but I have faith.

So that’s my life right now.

Have any of you ever done anything like this? How did you get through it?

 

Hello, 2013.

We’ve made it to 2013, folks. Believe it or not, a whole new year is here!
Time just flies so fast.

If you take notice to the picture above, I’ve been working on a tiny list of things I’d like to do this year. Making resolutions is a silly thing to me. I’m not saying they are a bad thing, I’m saying that, for me, they are almost impossible to keep. So I made a list of things I’d like to do (silly little fun things), with a full 365 days ahead of me to do them, but there’s no pressure applied.
The thing is, there’s plenty more I’d like to do…but it’s easy for me to get overwhelmed.

2012, though it had plenty of great moments, was not my favorite year.
Sure, there are bigger issues in the world to face than what I have on my plate. But I struggled a lot financially, something I would really love to change this year. Doing that will take time, dedication, patience, and discipline. These are all things I have trouble with, truth be told.
I could say I’d love to move out of my parents’ house (oh wait, that’s on the list), that I’d love to get a new car, that I’d love to get a handle on my debt, that I’d love to make more money and actually have a career instead of a job. And that would all be true.
But I actually have to work on these things, which is probably the biggest resolution of all, and I’m scared to make it.
I guess I kind of am, though, by writing it here on the interwebs. Which is scary enough as it is.
Total disclosure and honesty. It’s scary to even put myself out there like this. But I continue to do so, and I’m glad.

Ultimately, I want to look back on this year (and all past years and all future years) remembering the good and being thankful that I made it through the bad. I can do that with 2012, as with it’s predecessors, because in a lot of regards I am truly blessed.
However, coming 12/31/13, I’d love to look back and think…
“Wow…I did it. I changed my life. I made a difference. I fixed what I wanted to. I worked hard. I’m proud."

A tall order, maybe?
All worth the challenge.

Time Well Spent

I am aware that I’m lucky to have a job, some money, a way to pay my bills.
But I am completely uninspired with my job (and I don’t make enough money to save for a car or to get a place of my own, or even with other people!), mostly sitting in my chair, waiting for 4:30, hating that I spend 8 precious hours a day cooped up when I could be doing so much more with the time I get from day to day. I was sooooo bored yesterday, I made a list of all the un-boring things I could do if I didn’t have to work this job, or work at home, or not work at all (but, of course, be financially secure..wouldn’t that be nice?!).

I would perfect cooking and baking from scratch. (Or at least make more attempts to.)
I’d visit Farmer’s Markets regularly for fresh ingredients for whatever I’m making that day.
I would go for little photo walks and explore my neighborhood and new places.
I would start everyday with a nice breakfast, coffee or tea, and lovely music.
I would work on writing of all kinds. Blog posts, stories, maybe even article pieces.
I’d read as often as possible (which I do now) and start a monthly Book Club (which I want to do).
When it rains, I’d have movie or TV show marathon days.
I would make it a point to do exercise everyday, whether it be the gym, a bike ride or walk, or even take up a class.
I’d plan to host monthly dinner or cocktail parties with friends and family.
I’d learn to sew so I can fix thrift store pieces I buy that need a little tweaking.
I’d keep my house/apartment neat and organized and always add little pieces to make it cozy.

And yes, I’m aware I could and should do some of these things anyway.
But it’s hard when you’re tired after 8 soul-sucking, inspiration-killing hours and you only have evenings and weekends to work with.
And very little money.

Patience, Confidence, and Other Things I Lack

Recently, I purchased the book above and, though I’m only a small portion in, I must admit I’m overwhelmed.
It’s been a while since I really picked up my DSLR (or any of my cameras, for that matter) and had some fun. What used to be on me at all times has fallen by the wayside. This book, though, is helping me.

A huge reason (if not the main reason) I stopped taking pictures is that I had absolutely no confidence in the images I took. I bought a DSLR (an entry-level one, because I know I would be nowhere near ready for anything fancy, and besides this is a hobby for me) in the hopes that I would improve my photography even more. Instead, I became extremely intimidated by the object. I still used it, still do, and prefer to keep it on the Program setting and hope for the best, focusing on post-production. But when I saw this book staring at me from the shelf, something hit me. I wanted to buy it, wanted to read it, and wanted to learn from it.

The fact of the matter is, I have a lot to learn. I never thought buying a fancy, more expensive camera would make me a photographer all the sudden. And I never really wanted to become a photographer. What I wanted was to capture the sweet moments in life, the pretty things I found, the memories I wanted to keep and to share them with friends, family, the blog, and my walls. I fell in love with “photography” (if you want to use the term loosely) because of blogs like Rockstar Diaries and A Beautiful Mess. I bought a Holga because of the photos Taza took.
I admired the beauty they created out of everyday life and I wanted to do that for myself.
I guess I just assumed it would be easy.
It isn’t easy. It’s something you have to learn, to hone, just like anything else in this world.

I am impatient. I am lazy. I am stubborn. I am easily discouraged.
I wasn’t grasping the concept. I didn’t want to read the manual. It bored me to tears.
I let the amazing work of my boyfriend and the continued gorgeous photos from my favorite blogs discourage me instead of encourage me.
I felt like everyone had something I didn’t.

Some people are born with it, sure. But everyone has to learn somehow.
Whether it’s through reading or classes or trial and error. I didn’t have the patience or drive for anything.

I have so much more of this book to read and so much more to actually try. I have to take out the camera and test different shots and really play with the manual settings and learn what I like and don’t like, what works and what doesn’t work. It’s not going to do it by itself.
I won’t get the photos I want if I don’t take charge.

I know it’s silly, but reading this book feels like reading a really fun textbook. I’m enjoying myself but I am learning so much and it’s like my brain is exploding with knowledge that needs to be put to use. And I must do that soon. You know how I said I’m lazy? Well, that needs to stop. It’s funny…when I actually try at something, I feel better and I do better. This may seem like a silly example, but I used to hate bowling and mini-golf. Bowling is one of my favorite things to do nowadays. I always hated it because I believed I sucked at it. But I never really tried when I played, and that’s pretty much why I sucked at it. I’m not amazing by any stretch of the imagination, but now that I actually take the time to angle myself and think about the ball and the pins and the action, I’ve done so much better. I used to throw the ball with the pure knowledge that I suck. During mini-golf, I used to just hit the ball and hope for the best knowing I wouldn’t win anyway. But I realized that thinking about the shot and taking the time to consider my options, I had better odds. I don’t always win at bowling or mini-golf, but now I’m a more confident competitor who has fun and doesn’t feel let down by my poor show. I give it my best.
Now it’s time to do it with this.

Some people make some things look easy, but we all have to start somewhere.
Here we go…

Take Care

This past weekend was filled with high highs and low lows. Instead of dwelling on the low parts, I’ve decided to try and learn from everything and really take a new approach to my life. There is no doubt that I could take way better care of myself. I don’t know if it’s winter or what.
The gym-going stopped, I took comfort in the greasiest and fattiest of foods, I stayed up too late sometimes (not always a bad thing, but usually quite painful the next day), and drank more than I’d like to admit.

I always make silly little lists and hopes and wishes for myself. But truly, I think that caring about your health and well-being is one of the smartest things you can ever do. So that’s what I want to do. The things I want to do include, but are not limited to, …

Eating frequent, filling, little meals so that I don’t gorge on the bad stuff later.
Exercising as often as possible, and not just for the vanity of it. Endorphins are the best.
Getting as much sleep as possible. Not just sleeping in on weekends. Calling it a night early on work nights.
Practicing positivity and making responsible choices.

 

Here’s to better days!

Operation Organization–Part Two

Once again, I embarrass myself on this website. (Whatever, it’s real life, and I’m making improvements!)

Hello, and welcome to one of the messiest, if not the messiest, part of my room! I’ll credit the mess to my excessive shopping and extreme lack of storage. I actually had a bigger closet in my on-campus apartment in college, believe it or not. But let’s not forget the main reason I’ve let everything get so bad in the first place…laziness.

For a while, I’ve wanted a garment rack. Before this little Tupperware pile began, most of the clothes there were on what I called a “makeshift closet.” It was a wire hanger that was stretched to hang over the top of the closet door and had several other hangers hanging from it. Needless to say, it eventually stretched out, everything fell off, and I just couldn’t do it again. Off to Bed, Bath, and Beyond I went.
In addition to the garment rack, I decided to get a nice shoe rack as well. I was still utilizing one of those compartmentalized shoe holders that you hang from the closet with Velcro straps. It was okay, but it left a lot of my shoes without a home.

The end result:

I’m so glad to finally have a garment rack. It’s just a simple one that was easy to put together. But now I can display my favorite items without having them get all squished and wrinkly in the closet. Bonus: There’s more room in the closet! I also took the opportunity to get a bag of clothes and shoes ready to donate. There’s still a lot more to go through, my dresser and armoire, but at least those things are put away.
I needed to clean up the huge mess infiltrating the floor.

Ultimately, there’s a lot more work and organizational skills I could utilize to make the best out of my tiny closet space.
But I’m proud of the work I’ve done now.

I’m not sure when Part Three will commence. The next thing I’m on the hunt for is a bookshelf or some of those organizational cubes.
I need a place to display my collection of books (duh) and DVDs. Don’t worry…you’ll see that mess soon enough.

Operation Organization–Part One

Warning: The following photo is very embarrassing for me and probably disturbing for you.

Since I had Monday off, I decided to start attacking one of my little resolution/life changes – Organizing. I actually did this around the same time last year and, while I made a bit of a dent, everything fell right back into  (the wrong) place. I could blame a lot of things.
Not enough storage space. The closet’s not big enough. I don’t have time. I spend 75% of the week at Brad’s place. But the truth is…well, it’s sheer laziness that holds me back. While I may spend time at Brad’s, my bedroom is still my place. And it’s become more of a burden than a sanctuary. A place I just sleep in. There is nothing inspiring about it, cozy or comforting about it. As you can see above, I let clutter infest my life. And, while it is embarrassing to display this on the interweb for anyone to see, it needs to be seen. Because I’m a normal human. Well, scratch that. An extremely lazy human. Who needs to clean up her act, in so many ways.

After a couple of cups of coffee, I played happy tunes and set a timer for 20 minutes to see how much I could get done with this tiny but significant space of my room. I kept resetting the timer, as I was still very much in the mood to get everything done (and because 20 minutes wasn’t enough and all the stuff you see above was on my bed, a counter-productive tactic that needed to be fixed). And here’s what I did:

There’s still a lot going on here, but everything has it’s place now.
No empty medicine bottles or papers that are months old and are no longer necessary to have.

I had a lot of cute little prints and pictures that were hidden by all the junk.
Usually I would just balance them against things on my dresser, but it was time some of these things were put on display.

Same thing with my instax film. I have SO MANY PICTURES and they are just in a little pile. I need a cute place to store them.
I decided to pick out my favorite ones and display them, to give my room a more personal feel.

And now that my dresser is organized, I can show you the cute lazy susan-style nail polish holder that Brad made for me for Christmas. It is the cutest thing in the world, and the perfect way to display my favorite colors. And now I can actually spin the thing.

I’m also keeping extra nail polish and nail thingees in this cute tin I bought for $2.50 at Target. Also utilizing my Hello Kitty jewelry box (another Christmas present, from my coworker) to stash earrings and necklaces that were in the boxes they came in, all piled up.

And, last but not least, my cameras are finally back on display. They were covered with crap. The camily is back!
For now, I’ll be displaying my soon-to-be-read books at the corner of the dresser until I get a bookshelf. There were so many books, paperbacks and hardcovers, crowding the middle of the dresser. I can’t wait to pick up some things that will truly help organize my room and show off the little collections I have at the same time.

‘Til then, this is all that’s been done. But I’m proud of the little bit of progress I made, and I can’t wait to show you more!

December, Already

We have made it to the 12th and final month of 2011, guys! I can’t believe December is actually here. I can remember New Year’s Eve/Day like yesterday. Where does the time go? Honestly. But, believe it or not, here we are…24 days away from Christmas (Oh come on, like that’s not really the only reason December rules). I can wholeheartedly say that I’m not excited for winter. It gets bitter, startlingly, and absolutely freezing cold in NEPA, and I don’t really like being cold. I’m cold even when it isn’t cold out. So, you can imagine my disgust with the winter. But I suppose I’m okay with a snow shower here and there, if there is cuddling and hot cocoa involved.

And despite my fear of time flying so fast and the impending doom of seasonal change, I’m excited that the holidays are here. I’ve already purchased a few presents and I’m continually on the hunt for more (giving gifts is BY FAR my favorite part of the season). Christmas music is playing 24/7 on local radio station Magic 93. Lights and decorations are strung and lit up. And I definitely might have choked back tears when finishing trimming the tree at work a couple of days ago…

Here’s to a new month and a fulfilling and exciting  holiday season!

New ‘Do, New You

My hair has been on an interesting rollercoaster ride these last few years. My senior year of college, I did something I had always wanted to do: get a pixie cut. It took a lot of getting used to/help styling it (you wouldn’t think, but it is very easy to screw that short hair up) and ultimately, I let insecurity and low self-esteem drag me down and tried very hard to grow it out. And it did get longer. But then, I realized that that wasn’t for me. Long hair was something I had once, out of sheer laziness and dependence on my mom to make appointments (which she wasn’t doing, as she had bigger fish to fry). Since I lobbed all of it off, I have been a short hair girl. I always will be one. Maybe my hair will get long again. Lord knows I admire beautiful long hair. But being the low-maintenance (read: lazy) girl I am, the shorter hair just jives with my lifestyle/morning routine. This cut in particular (inspired by this photo on my Pinterest) had me a little scared, because it is the shortest I’ve gone in a long time and the closest to a pixie without actually getting a pixie.
But I went for it, and I’m happy I did.

Cutting your hair off is a very freeing experience. I’d highly recommend that everyone do some form of it at least once in their life.

Baby Steps

While it’s been a difficult week for me, it has also come to my attention that 2011 hasn’t really been my year. Okay, that’s not really true either. There has been a lot of good and I am so blessed and so lucky to have the life I have. But I’ve also found myself in a rut. I am 24 years old, time is flying right before my eyes, and I’m not living the life I want. (Sidebar? I’m not quite sure what life I want anyway…) I have a great family, great friends, and the greatest boyfriend kinda ever, but there are still things missing in me. I still live at home. I work a dead-end job that doesn’t pay me enough to move out or set out to buy a new car. These are things only I can fix. And I know I’m not alone. But my goodness, it is so frustrating.

However, I’ve actually started to take some steps. I’m surprising even myself with the tiny moves I’ve made thus far. And believe me, they are tiny. But for a shy girl like me, they are steps in the right direction. I am afraid (I am always afraid/nervous/anxious, even for good things) of change but it’s exactly what I need. I want to start living my life, decorating a tiny apartment and cooking cheap dinners and enjoying what I do for a living. Learning and growing and changing. I’ve stagnated. It’s time for things to change.

Changes.

I never thought this day would come. I mean, I knew it would…but it seemed so far away. So distant. So unbelievable. One of the most important people in my life, for so very many reasons, is leaving NEPA for Texas (Air Force/Boot Camp/School) today. It is, for me, the end of an era. I know we will stay in touch, and I’m separated from the majority of my best friends, but he has been a constant in my life since 2004 (I’ve known him since 2002). And, even though two of my closest friends live in NY and NJ, they are no more than a 3 1/2 hour drive away. Regardless, it’ll be sad not to have him around for our TV nights and La Tolteca trips, Hickory Run lake days or photo adventures.

I have too many pictures. I can’t narrow it down.
I just wish him all the best, hope for his happiness and safety.

It’s not “Goodbye.” It’s just a “See ya later.”

My Hair and Me

Any frequent (2) readers out there may have noticed I am usually having issues with my hair. I’ve done quite a few posts about it overtime, mostly about my indecisiveness towards growing it out versus cutting it (here’s a good example). I guess I kept thinking I either had to keep growing it super long or cut it all right off. I didn’t think about doing anything  in between. But it hit me suddenly. Last Spring and Summer held some of the greatest times of my life, and not just because I was spending it by the pool and around friends and falling in love again. I had the perfect hair for my low-maintenance and length needs. I didn’t have to stress about it 24/7.

I think once I get past a certain point, I just can’t handle the ‘do anymore. I’m at that point. Granted, I haven’t had a haircut or trim or anything since before Christmas. But it’s just falling flat. The bangs I once had just don’t do it for me anymore. There’s no shape…no punch or POW. I’ve always been one for layers, something to mess with. And I remembered my hair around this time until the end of summer and it hit me: I should go back to that look.

It may seem like nothing special…and it’s not. Just a lot of layers (mostly because I was still in the process of awkwardly growing out some old pixie layers) and bangs that would eventually be long enough to bobby pin and twist off to the side, something I’m really hoping to do soon enough. I enjoyed having longer bangs. There’s a lot more versatility, and many ways to make them look shorter than they are.

I know, you’re like WHY DID I HAVE TO LOOK AT HER FACE SO MANY TIMES? But there’s a common thread here…I’M SMILING! Ok, maybe not so much in the top picture, but I love my hair in these photos. It’s silly, I know, but I’m so glad it hit me. I’m a little nervous about cutting it and shedding a few inches, especially since the looks above only really came from a couple of shape-up trims that were already at the length. I don’t know if it can be matched. But this is what works for me. It’s long enough that I feel feminine and I can style it in many ways. But it’s short enough that it doesn’t have to be under the hair dryer or in the irons for very long, saving my hair the dreaded fried and dry look. Also, because my hair can get thin, having a bit of a shorter length plumps it up. It’s the perfect solution, especially with humidity and heat just around the corner. Not sure when I’m going to schedule the appointment, but I’m glad I’ve finally decided what to do. I may not be able to do milkmaid braids or complicated up-dos afterwards (like I’m even doing them now…), but I know that I will feel like me.

And that’s the most important thing.

April Showers…

Things are finally starting to bloom around here. It’s going to take some time, and Lord knows the weather will still be fickle, but my camera and I are both very excited for all of the happy changes to come. We are both so sick of bare branches and gray skies.