I just missed the 6 month mark since I quit my full-time job at the CU. I realize that I forgot because…well, I don’t really care about that place at all anymore. In my mind, this is a good thing. I’ve rid my palette (for the most part) and am slowly moving on. 6 months seems both short and long. I’m not where I thought I would be but then again…where did I think I would be? You know?
I mentioned in the first post that I got a seasonal part-time gig at Old Navy towards the end of October. I’m glad my gap in unemployment isn’t too big for my resume. After working the crazy holiday season, I was asked to stay on as a actual “sellebrity” which was exciting because A) I needed to keep working for money and B) not many people were asked to stay and I am so glad I was one of those people. It’s been a strange experience. The schedule is frustrating (I work basically every Saturday from 1-9, meaning I don’t get to have the normal fun weekends that other people do and I often work shifts that start at 5 or 6 am) because it’s not consistent and I never know what day it is. In the beginning, I was getting very few hours. One week, I literally worked a total of 8 hours. One day of work for a whole week. BUT, things looked up after our trip to Mexico. I started getting more and more shifts, usually working around 5 days a week (shifts ranging from 4-9 hours, which is great for retail!). Bigger paychecks, more face time to show what I can do.
Mexico (and the introduction of the Happier app around that time) really helped me put things in a positive perspective. I am prone to focus on the downside of the situation, but I have been enlightened. Life is a little bit easier to bear when you remember the little things that actually matter at the end of the day, week, month, year, decade.
Recently, a friend of mine died. We weren’t extremely close, our friendship existing more-so in one of the best summers of my life, 2012. The last time I spoke with him was before I quit Cross Valley. I was stopping at the liquor store to grab a much-needed bottle of cheap wine and he happened to be there, too. What was supposed to be a 5 minute (or less) stop turned into a half hour of talking. Catching up on the basics and eventually talking about my conundrum.
Though I hadn’t seen him since then, that conversation still sticks with me. When he passed away last week, I was in shock…we all were. And that’s because we all have had great experiences with him. He was a happy guy who enjoyed the finer things in life (“diamond taste” is how his stepmother put it) and left a piece of himself with every person he met (as his father put it). It’s so true. My sister, who was around him a few times, still remembers a conversation about a steak restaurant with him. That was probably over a year ago…but it stuck with her. The reason I believe this is the case is because he lived his life joyously. Everyone has problems and I didn’t know him well enough to know those…but what I saw of him was cigars and tall glasses of wine with tons of ice cubes. He was undeniably himself, no matter what.
It was sad to realize, but there was also a peace of mind to the fact that he touched so many lives in his short time and that we can all remember the positivity of his living.
That was a huge diversion, but it helps my point. That small conversation and our short friendship has stayed with me more than the drama of a place I worked at for 4 years. The good things, guys. The good, even little, things.
Being totally honest, I haven’t been looking for a full-time job and I need to get back on that horse. What I’m doing now is a huge step away from what I was doing, and I enjoy it very much. I love wearing whatever I want, listening to fun music, working with cool people of all ages, talking about clothes with the customers. But it’s not stable enough and I need to get a move on with my life. I desperately want to move out of my parents’ house (yeah, I’m still there) and work on future things like marriage. Those things can’t happen until I find that stability that I had with a full-time job minus the soul-sucking part of it all. Every job will have it’s moments, but it can’t be consistent and stagnant like that.
I realize I might not always get it right, and that I’m not exactly getting it right at the moment.
Am I in a happier place? Definitely. I could be a lot better, though. I want to grow up, but it’s hard.
The main issues is that I have no idea what I want to do and how to figure that out.
Suggestions are extremely welcome.
I will say, though, that it has been fun finding myself in different ways. Through scrapbooking and crafts, through opening myself up to people I didn’t think I would get along with, through being honest with myself and my family and friends and Brad about what I want (in the long-run), and even through the breakdowns that occur every so often when I experience a huge dose of reality. I am a jumbled mess and I have so much more work to go.
Hopefully, in the next six month review, I will be at a whole new place in my life.
Time to get to work.