Patience, Confidence, and Other Things I Lack

Recently, I purchased the book above and, though I’m only a small portion in, I must admit I’m overwhelmed.
It’s been a while since I really picked up my DSLR (or any of my cameras, for that matter) and had some fun. What used to be on me at all times has fallen by the wayside. This book, though, is helping me.

A huge reason (if not the main reason) I stopped taking pictures is that I had absolutely no confidence in the images I took. I bought a DSLR (an entry-level one, because I know I would be nowhere near ready for anything fancy, and besides this is a hobby for me) in the hopes that I would improve my photography even more. Instead, I became extremely intimidated by the object. I still used it, still do, and prefer to keep it on the Program setting and hope for the best, focusing on post-production. But when I saw this book staring at me from the shelf, something hit me. I wanted to buy it, wanted to read it, and wanted to learn from it.

The fact of the matter is, I have a lot to learn. I never thought buying a fancy, more expensive camera would make me a photographer all the sudden. And I never really wanted to become a photographer. What I wanted was to capture the sweet moments in life, the pretty things I found, the memories I wanted to keep and to share them with friends, family, the blog, and my walls. I fell in love with “photography” (if you want to use the term loosely) because of blogs like Rockstar Diaries and A Beautiful Mess. I bought a Holga because of the photos Taza took.
I admired the beauty they created out of everyday life and I wanted to do that for myself.
I guess I just assumed it would be easy.
It isn’t easy. It’s something you have to learn, to hone, just like anything else in this world.

I am impatient. I am lazy. I am stubborn. I am easily discouraged.
I wasn’t grasping the concept. I didn’t want to read the manual. It bored me to tears.
I let the amazing work of my boyfriend and the continued gorgeous photos from my favorite blogs discourage me instead of encourage me.
I felt like everyone had something I didn’t.

Some people are born with it, sure. But everyone has to learn somehow.
Whether it’s through reading or classes or trial and error. I didn’t have the patience or drive for anything.

I have so much more of this book to read and so much more to actually try. I have to take out the camera and test different shots and really play with the manual settings and learn what I like and don’t like, what works and what doesn’t work. It’s not going to do it by itself.
I won’t get the photos I want if I don’t take charge.

I know it’s silly, but reading this book feels like reading a really fun textbook. I’m enjoying myself but I am learning so much and it’s like my brain is exploding with knowledge that needs to be put to use. And I must do that soon. You know how I said I’m lazy? Well, that needs to stop. It’s funny…when I actually try at something, I feel better and I do better. This may seem like a silly example, but I used to hate bowling and mini-golf. Bowling is one of my favorite things to do nowadays. I always hated it because I believed I sucked at it. But I never really tried when I played, and that’s pretty much why I sucked at it. I’m not amazing by any stretch of the imagination, but now that I actually take the time to angle myself and think about the ball and the pins and the action, I’ve done so much better. I used to throw the ball with the pure knowledge that I suck. During mini-golf, I used to just hit the ball and hope for the best knowing I wouldn’t win anyway. But I realized that thinking about the shot and taking the time to consider my options, I had better odds. I don’t always win at bowling or mini-golf, but now I’m a more confident competitor who has fun and doesn’t feel let down by my poor show. I give it my best.
Now it’s time to do it with this.

Some people make some things look easy, but we all have to start somewhere.
Here we go…