This has, undoubtedly, been one of the craziest years of my life. If you’ve read the previous blog posts, then you know.
Quick Recap: A year ago, I put in my notice to quit a full-time job as a teller at a Credit Union. It was my full-time job, the way I paid my bills, my insurance, etc. I was also there for nearly 4 years, so it was my life as I knew it. I was, however, completely miserable. I cried before work, dreaded going to bed…I knew I needed out. So I had about a month of finding myself before I got a job at Old Navy, as a sales associate, for the holiday season. They kept me on after the holidays were over, and I was thankful for a paycheck. Now, things have changed again.
A large part of why the year has been so interesting, ever-changing, is because I’ve never truly known what I wanted to do. It’s one thing to dedicate yourself, your studies, your time, to an end goal. But when you don’t have an end goal, it’s so much harder. When you have the insecurities that I do on top of all that? Well, it’s nearly impossible.
My mind: I’m not good enough for any job, I’m not worth more than x/hr, and other depressing thoughts.
My work at Old Navy was a welcome change from the past. I liked working with people of all ages in a fast-paced environment. I liked wearing whatever I wanted, listening to fun music, and making some friends along the way. The goal wasn’t to work at Old Navy forever, but I was happy there. Still, I knew I’d need something stable. When you work in retail, income is a fickle thing. If sales are great, the pay is great. But sometimes, there aren’t enough hours for everyone and your checks get smaller. The money wasn’t a massive issue (it always is, so forget that, it’s not about the money, I accept that it will always be stressful), but I started to get a little frustrated. My schedule was always different, and I ended up working a lot of evenings and weekends, meaning I barely had a summer and I barely saw my boyfriend. Still, I had no plans to leave the place. Then, something like Fate stepped in.
It was an early Sunday morning, price changing at work, when I was discussing with a co-worker the prospect of “dream jobs” or something like it, finding yourself working in a place you actually enjoy. I’ve had about a zillion thoughts on what I would like to do or what I would want to do, but it’s hard to get up the courage. Both my co-worker and I love books, so we were talking about jobs involving them…I, in particular, mentioned that I might enjoy working at a library.
Then, the next day, I went to my favorite library and….THEY WERE HIRING.
I kinda freaked out and froze. It really felt like it was meant to be.
First of all, I had only just vocalized that possibility the day before. Secondly, I have so many books…Kindle books, physical books, that I haven’t read and yet I still felt a pull to go to the library to find my next read.
The woman at the desk noticed that I was looking and asked if I wanted an application. I nodded, probably looking completely crazed. How was it possible that something I had just mentioned could become real?
After two interviews, I was offered the job!
Normally, I would’ve been anxious, shaking and sweating the morning of my first day. Not this time.
Something just felt right.
Initially, I was going to work a couple of shifts a week at Old Navy at the same time, but my first day, they offered me more time at the library and a small bump in pay…so…I basically felt like my dreams were coming true. It saddened me to say goodbye to ON, because I liked working there and didn’t leave on bad terms. But I wanted (want) to fully dedicate myself to this new position. I work in Reference and Youth Services (sitting near the YA novels brings me life) and I’ve been having a great time learning the system and absorbing everything around me. For once, I feel like I have a job that can build and boost my resume for a potential career, or that could grow and change into one.
I’m fully aware that I’m in the Honeymoon stage and that even a month from now, I could turn out to loathe the job. I personally can’t imagine what would make me despise it quite so much, grumpy patrons aside (when you’re in customer service as long as I’ve been, it’s just part of the deal). For now, though, I feel like I took a step in the right direction. A step that is taking me to a new place, a place away from the same stagnant jobs I’ve held in the past.
And finally, I feel like it’s proof that positive thinking (and manifest destiny) are real things. When I initially thought about being a teller, I had mentioned it to a friend and she helped me get the job that supported me for almost 4 years. And now, after sharing a dream about working in a library, a door opened that may not have if I had never said anything (or I never would’ve known). When you’re honest with yourself and others about what you want, it’s easier to achieve.
So here’s to the new chapter, and to whatever it may bring next!