I may seem lame for saying this, but I am so happy that I've been keeping this blog pretty steady. I must say, when I'm walking around in between class, I think of little things I want to record on here.
Basically, I know no one is reading this. And that's fine, because it just feels good to have a place to rant or to talk about things I really like. Unfortunately, I feel the moment I share something I want or would like to do with my friends, I either get a discouragement or they want to do it too and they do it before me and then I don't want it anymore, even if I really did before. Yes, I am weird. But whatever.
Money has been weighing heavily on me considering the fact that I don't have any. I am three months away from graduating and I haven't placed my resume out there anywhere, though I do have an appointment to work on it next Monday. Then hopefully I will do something about it. But man, I am so not ready to grow up.
It sucks to want to do things, or want to get things for yourself (or need to get things for yourself, like a haircut or face wash or food) but you can't. Even worse when I see people around me say they have money when they really do.
I do not have any savings. I will be starting from scratch when I go out in the real world. Almost everyone I know has a decent amount of money in their accounts.
Yes, I've been stupid with money. I've never really been taught how to manage it (my parents are broke too, they don't know how to do it themselves) and I didn't start working until after my first year of college. Since then, the only time I stopped working was when I went to London. But I live paycheck to paycheck. I wanted a cell phone, so I have a plan that costs 90 freakin' bucks a month. If I had a family plan, like almost everyone else I know, I would be paying less than half of that to contribute. I also have my own junk heap of a car (a gray Buick, I really do love it) and its a gas-guzzler, so I have that on my shoulders too. Basically, if I need anything, or want anything...I pay for it. And when I make less than 300 bucks a month (its hard to balance school and work and wanting to have a life since I know I will have to work even more when its over), its hard to do this.
I am still very lucky. I am in college. I have a home, and I have food. I have a lot of the things I want. Most of the stuff I don't get I don't actually need.
But geez, I just hope one day I can stop worrying about it as much.

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