Pause

I am not one to blog about my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love sharing pictures of my friends and family, the things I get to see, some of my experiences and favorite things. But I don’t talk about the issues. And there’s a reason for that…I have a bunch of them. Kidding, kind of.

Basically, this blog is a celebration of the good times. The things I love. The things that motivate me and keep me going. The things I’m most passionate about. This blog is all the things I would like to life to be.

Unfortunately, it’s come to my attention that my life definitely isn’t what I want it to be.

As a 23 year old college graduate who came out of school with the same job she had during school (meaning 18 hour work weeks, no benefits, endless time to stew in my confusion) and has only made a slight step up the totem pole, I find myself utterly confused. Because, well, the options are endless. And all I ultimately want is to be happy. I’ve lived most of my life doing without the things I want, or I found an inexpensive alternative that left me even more satisfied.

I was happy with most of the things in my life until this past month. A few things happened that weren’t catastrophic but definitely didn’t help my self-esteem or where I’m at right now.

The main goal is figuring out what I want to do and how I will be able to do it.

When I was in grade school, I read books like a starving person would attack a buffet. You wouldn’t find me without a spiral notebook or a black ink Bic Cristal pen (still my favorites, to this day) because I had so many story ideas. Once I hit junior/high school (or puberty), that drive to read dissipated and got replaced with movies. I still wanted to write…but maybe screenplays. I just could never carry out a full story. And then that stopped all together.

College had me focused on radio, but even then, I wasn’t sure.

I love so much. Writing/blogging, music, movies, TV shows, photography, fashion. But not one thing in particular stands out enough to say, “Hey, do this.” And what sucks even more, is I am more anxious than ambitious. I suppose writing will always be my first love. It makes me extremely happy to tell stories, discuss the ins and outs of things I love.

I want to figure all of this stuff out in my life. I want to start making my name. Making my living. Separating myself from the past. Whatever I have to do so that I feel like where I am is where I’m supposed to be. I don’t want to let what other people are doing discourage me. I want to succeed on my own terms.

Here’s to figuring all of that stuff out…