Life Improvement

Last week was very rough. I was having a lot of anxiety over life and mortality and faith and other things that will just make me sound like a stoner. It was not fun. But this week, I’ve been doing so much better. I’m getting over things a lot quicker. I’m working on it though. Still have my fearful moments. But you learn from those. And in this case, I feel so blessed and thankful that I have been chosen for some reason to be on this earth and live this life and breathe this air and taste delicious foods and wear pretty clothes and hug people and kiss and fall in love and share moments and smell yummy scents and learn and teach and grow and change and experience LIFE.

A while back, I read this and I’ve been wanting to gather a list of things I need/want to do to make this life an even better experience for me. I guess my fear gave me the final kick in the ass that I needed to do it. So…here goes…

• Stop cursing, at least as much as I do
• Take a vitamin everyday
• Drink more milk, even if it’s just a couple glasses a week
• Exercise more, even if it’s just once a week
• Take responsibility for/be responsible in all of my actions
• Stop eating fast food as frequently, or, when I do, order one or two things only (Yeah, I usually get at least 3 things)
• Listen to music everytime I drive (it’s sometimes the only time I get to at home)
• Start planning little day trips or weekend getaways.
• See more of the states and, eventually, the world
• Focus on the people and things I love as opposed to the people and things I hate/make me angry
• Start going to bed earlier, even if it’s just by a half hour
• Take more “me time” that involves less of the computer and more reading/writing
• Utilize all of my creativity through fashion, photography, and writing, all things that I feel passionate about but don’t give as much attention physically as I do mentally
• Keep in touch with friends I don’t get to see at least once a week
• Expel the bad people from my life once and for all
• Put my guard up a little more. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I usually get used/manipulated for this.
• Stand up for myself.
• Contribute to people who sincerely need it, whether it be by donations or through volunteering
• Stop and smile as often as possible
• Cry when I feel like crying, laugh when I feel like laughing
• Never let anyone change me but me
• Try something new as often as possible (food, music, makeup, activities, etc.)
• Enjoy every moment as much as possible and cherish everything I have because I am so very very lucky
• Cherish being young and being able to be a little selfish

I could probably go on forever. But this is good for now.

Without the sour, the sweet wouldn’t taste as sweet…

{PaperTissue}

Oh man.

I really hope that all this stress and anxiety and worry and CRAZINESS is all for something better.

I’m trying to reassure myself with words like the title above. But it was the only thing I could think of in regards to how I feel. What are those sayings? You know, when people say that good things happen after bad things and what have you…only…well, snappier. And usually in a way that rhymes.

Now, I’ll just think about things that make life a little better like…

• Jesse Eisenberg
• Sleeping in
• Chili with cheese
• Poker
• Being creative
• Making plans to be creative with friends

Blah diddy blah

I really need to write a book. I have so many ideas swimming in my head, though, so its hard to focus. I have many thoughts. Often times I feel they sound like lines from sappy movies. And even though that seems horrible, those movies are making money, no?

A couple off the top of my head…

• I feel really sad for us.
• I am sick of being angry because of you. Because the things that bother me are your problems and not mine.

I feel trapped lately. Maybe its more of the quarter-life crisis. I am going nowhere. I have nothing to look forward too. My life is moving and changing and change doesn’t always bode well for me. But I’ve made it through this kind of thing before. I will continue to do things I love and keep on “truckin’” as they say. Speaking of which, I dropped my third roll of Holga film off today. No predictions on when they’ll be done. I’m still hoping to share the others soon. And now…I must go because I have over 70 sparklers waiting to be lit off and snapped into a lovely photo.

Well, I guess this is growing up.

I am truly beginning to freak out!
This is my last full month of college classes...and no, this is no April Fool's!
I am allowing myself to succumb to the stress that I've been holding back.
Mainly because the end of the school year always means more work (in my case, bunches of final projects and papers and even a final dance presentation this semester). But also because this is the last time I have to deal with any of it. And I don't know how I feel about it.

Yes, I know I've been through something like this before. Leaving high school was crazy, but I knew I was going to college afterwards. There was no mystery. I just knew I'd be sleeping in a bed three feet away from a stranger 30 minutes away from my actual home and walking onto a campus for class. The only thing I didn't know was who was going to be my friend in the end of all this.
Now, as college ends, I know nothing. I haven't just recently come to the conclusion that I have no strong goals in my life, other than the long-lasting goal - I want to be HAPPY. That's it. I don't really care how. Just as long as I am passionate about my life, about whatever situation I am in, and I am content with the way things go. Sure, I will have my rough patches, I always do. But whatever.

I just don't know what I want to be. I know I should be out there, posting my resume. But I'm not. I know I should be trying to look for places to apply, but I'm not.
I don't want my major (mass communications, I love radio) to go to waste. But I don't know what I can do about it either.

For now, I'm going to try to get my work done as best as I can. It's not like I have that much anyway, by other people's standards.

Almost done.

The weekend is nearly here. And its been coming quickly.
Unfortunately, though, that means the weeks are flying by.
We are close to March, which is close to April, which is close to May, which is the last month of my college career.
I am not ready.
I should really try to get ready.
Guh.

Stressful times, I tell ya.
Meanwhile, I'll just enjoy the weekend ahead.

P.S. I miss your voice.