“The Lady-Child”

In the last issue of Entertainment Weekly (my Bible, basically), there was an article written by Melissa Maerz that really resonated with me. It was titled “Hollywood Goes Girl Crazy” and it discussed the influx of movies/TV shows with female characters that don’t really seem to have their life together. A character like this would be the “Lady-Child,” similar to the  man-child popularized by actors like Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, etc. What brought this to the author’s attention was the premiere of the new HBO show (by one of my heroes Lena Dunham) Girls.
I’ve seen the two episodes that have aired so far, and I am in love. I’ve also seen Lena Dunham’s feature film Tiny Furniture,
and I loved that too. The reason I love these both so much is because I can relate.

In a little less than a month, I will be 25 years old. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not old by any means. However, I feel like I’m supposed to be somewhere I’m nowhere near. I live at home. I graduated Magna Cum Laude with a BA in Mass Communications and I work a job that pays me little more than minimum wage and requires no knowledge beyond a high school diploma. I drive a 1993 Buick that is rusting more and more everyday. The biggest issue of them all? I haven’t the slightest idea what I really, truly, absolutely want to do with my life.
And that is what makes furthering my life that much harder.
I’m really putting my feelings and fears on this page for you guys right now.

Brad teases me, but I have to agree; I am a 14 year old inside.
I live for Young Adult novels and frilly fiction books.
I get massive crushes on celebrities I’ll never meet.
I fangirl like crazy.
I still sleep with a stuffed animal when I’m not with Brad.
I am instantly attracted to anything involving Hello Kitty.
I spend more money on nail polish than anyone with my budget should.
If I lived on my own, I’d probably live off of canned soup, omelets, and grilled cheese.

I couldn’t be happier that there are more characters out there in movies and on TV that I can actually relate to. I’ve enjoyed shows like Gossip Girl or The O.C. and I love romantic comedies, but they show a…less realistic lifestyle. I don’t want to say it’s unrealistic.
It’s just not common.

Last year, I read the book One Day. It was a good read, but there was a relatable part, in which the female lead said something about feeling as though, after college, she regressed back to her adolescence. I completely agreed. I went from living away from home at school to coming right back to the life I had before that freedom. I lost some of my confidence, my drive. Being under the same roof as your parents can sorta make you feel young all over again. Not fun.

I don’t want to be this way forever. I want to figure myself out. But in the mean time, I’m so thankful that shows like Girls exists,
that movies like Bridesmaids are there for me to laugh at and cry with.
I need movies and TV shows that depict life as it truly is. I need to see the breakdown, so I know that I’m not alone.
And so that, maybe, I can be motivated to make some change.

Life Improvement

Last week was very rough. I was having a lot of anxiety over life and mortality and faith and other things that will just make me sound like a stoner. It was not fun. But this week, I’ve been doing so much better. I’m getting over things a lot quicker. I’m working on it though. Still have my fearful moments. But you learn from those. And in this case, I feel so blessed and thankful that I have been chosen for some reason to be on this earth and live this life and breathe this air and taste delicious foods and wear pretty clothes and hug people and kiss and fall in love and share moments and smell yummy scents and learn and teach and grow and change and experience LIFE.

A while back, I read this and I’ve been wanting to gather a list of things I need/want to do to make this life an even better experience for me. I guess my fear gave me the final kick in the ass that I needed to do it. So…here goes…

• Stop cursing, at least as much as I do
• Take a vitamin everyday
• Drink more milk, even if it’s just a couple glasses a week
• Exercise more, even if it’s just once a week
• Take responsibility for/be responsible in all of my actions
• Stop eating fast food as frequently, or, when I do, order one or two things only (Yeah, I usually get at least 3 things)
• Listen to music everytime I drive (it’s sometimes the only time I get to at home)
• Start planning little day trips or weekend getaways.
• See more of the states and, eventually, the world
• Focus on the people and things I love as opposed to the people and things I hate/make me angry
• Start going to bed earlier, even if it’s just by a half hour
• Take more “me time” that involves less of the computer and more reading/writing
• Utilize all of my creativity through fashion, photography, and writing, all things that I feel passionate about but don’t give as much attention physically as I do mentally
• Keep in touch with friends I don’t get to see at least once a week
• Expel the bad people from my life once and for all
• Put my guard up a little more. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I usually get used/manipulated for this.
• Stand up for myself.
• Contribute to people who sincerely need it, whether it be by donations or through volunteering
• Stop and smile as often as possible
• Cry when I feel like crying, laugh when I feel like laughing
• Never let anyone change me but me
• Try something new as often as possible (food, music, makeup, activities, etc.)
• Enjoy every moment as much as possible and cherish everything I have because I am so very very lucky
• Cherish being young and being able to be a little selfish

I could probably go on forever. But this is good for now.

Do of the Week – 5/18

On my birthday, as we were sitting at a cramped bar and playing 90s dance hits on the jukebox, a bunch of us decided that going to the roller rink would be an amazing idea. Tonight, we did it. I brought out my dusty ole rollerblades and dressed in some 80s gear (legwarmers included) to skate around in a circle all night to cheesy music.

Despite the fact that a sign on the door warned us the night’s festivities were best suited for those 15 and under, we still made the best of it…and I didn’t fall once.

So this is my Do for the week. It doesn’t have to necessarily be roller skating. But I haven’t been since I was in elementary school. It was so fun to do something different for once and, even better, revert back to my childhood.

I just had this conversation with my boss. You never really grow up. And you never should. Stay in touch with that inner child. I’m still young, and it probably seems crazy to say this. But I never want to lose it. I always want to get excited over little things, and to find fun in something as basic as roller skating in a circle below a couple of disco balls.

Here are some photos…