Vacation

So, I’m officially work-free for 9 days! Well, that’s including the weekends (once again, despite that volunteering next Saturday, but that’s only 3 hours out of my open schedule). This is a very good thing.

Unfortunately, starting yesterday (of course), I was having back pains that a lot of people wanted to attribute to kidney stones/problems. I’m keeping my chin up and attributing it to the fact that I sleep in a bed that’s too small and have the worst diet ever. I need to work on that. Let’s hope any sort of real health problems decide to bypass me.

I really need this time to myself. As Tenacious D once said, I’m “searching for inspirado.” Ever have that time in your life when you have no idea what you’re doing/want to do and you’re starting to forget who you are and what you like? And everyone else seems to be doing something awesome or better than you? Okay, maybe it’s just me…but that’s sort of what I’m going through right now.

Not that long ago, I was the girl who carried around at least 2 cameras at once, who had fun plans all the time (even if they were the same things over and over with good people), who felt happy with the season and with life. But then, I think I started to fall into a rut. Work started to stress me out, money started to stress me out, and I lost track of all the things that are actually me. I started looking at everyone else’s life and getting jealous and I hate that feeling more than anything. I’m hoping to get back to that happy me state.

I don’t have many plans but here are some things I want to do on vacation…:

• Sleep in everyday!
• Finish rolls of film on each of my cameras and take lots of pictures with the digital.
• Wear whatever I want all day long
• Swim with friends
• Drive around, listen to great music, and go where the day takes me
• Buy an iPhone 4
• Travel to New Jersey to see Kings of Leon and tailgate with my bfffff Rafter
• Clean out my room/closet and give clothes away that I never wear
• Eat healthier (and for some reason I think the OPPOSITE of this is going to happen)
• Maybe dye my hair again?

The best part is not really knowing what’s going to happen…just doing it. I hope I get a nice refreshing vacation full of stress-free activities, friendship, freedom, and fun!

The Past and Pending…

Today, I got hit with a bunch of old insecurities. Seriously old. Like, remembering the time my 8th grade crush stopped talking to me because a friend of mine (we’re not really friends anymore) told him I liked him against my will. That sucked. Because I didn’t like him because he was cute or something. He sat behind me in nearly every class and made me laugh and talked to me about Friends (I was obsessed in junior high. Still love it, but those were my hay days).

Growing up is so funny. The best and worst part about it is realizing all the mistakes you’ve made and trying to learn from them. No one likes to look back and remember things that hurt them or that they may have done to hurt someone. But you have to because you learn from them.

Even though I hate remembering things that obviously suck, I feel like I’m finally ready to use those things to change my present. I know I’m still prone to screw things up and have my feelings hurt by little things that shouldn’t matter. But I’m excited to use the bad things to lead to the good things.

Despite the fact that I want to grow into myself more, I have no plans for gettin’ old too soon. I still want to have fun and play around…but with the lessons I’ve learned to help me along the way.

 
{I thought ending with a baby pic of me would be a nice touch}

Honestly…I never

thought I would get so into photography. Though I must admit, I’m embarrassed to even call it photography, because I am, by no means, a photographer. I’m just learning how to perfect my craft. But honestly, I am so utterly desperate and excited to take pictures of everything in my life.

I love those rare moments in life when everything feels good and seems like its in place. And you want to capture it and, well, for the longest time, I didn’t know how. And I’m still learning. Sure, I had a camera. But it didn’t mean much to me. I was always so sure I would screw it up anyways.

So now, I find myself perusing sites for a new digital camera and for tricks of the trade. I’m still learning (as I saw on my 4th roll of prints) how to use the Holga (I am still screwing up, but I am happy all the same).

I took a photography course my Sophomore year of college…it was required. And I was so intimidated. I hate that I get scared of something so simple so easily. But I suppose the better part is that I’ve fallen into this passion on my own. It took some time, but it was a natural love. I cannot wait to learn more and, eventually, express this in photos I'll be proud of.

On the same note:

Initially, I loved this. I’m looking for a digital camera with a good optical zoom and at least 10 MP. I won’t get it until Christmas time (unless there is a money miracle), but this leaves me enough time to scope out the market. Because I did some research, and even though I was starting to get stingy about Canon or Nikon…

This Kodak came along with a better price tag and, seemingly, more features.  I’m not sure what to do, but the more I read up, the more I’ll understand and (fingers crossed), the easier it will be for me to pick out the perfect camera for me. Since I know I will have it for as long as it doesn’t fail me, I want to be able to do as much as possible with it.

Any help is appreciated!

{To take the edge off of my rambling, a photo I took and edited}

Another Gorgeous Day

I hate that I don't know what to do with myself on such beautiful days.
A walk would be perfect, but it would be even better with someone to go with.
I'm about to go thrifting for a little, just stay out of the apartment and off campus until dinner time.
I finally wore my new AA frock.
I like it.
But I'm feelin' down and out on my looks.
Don't you hate feeling insecure?
I mean, when I like myself, no one can bring me down.
But the second I feel fat, ruddy, dry, or red, I'm a snap-able twig.

Frock - American Apparel
Leggings - Target