My Heroine

Since junior high, I have been a follower of Natalie Portman. I saw her do an interview on Oprah with Susan Sarandon for the film Anywhere But Here and I thought she was so pretty and cool. My adoration has had it’s peaks and has since dropped a little (I can’t lie, most of her movies aren’t that great, though I do love Closer and Garden State), but I still think she is insanely gorgeous.

Want my hair to get this long!!!

 

Can you believe she even seriously went bald for her role in V for Vendetta? And she looked amazing. Crappy movies or not, she is truly a style icon for me.

{All images from here}

Reasons and Purposes

I guess I should’ve mentioned that a large part of my nervousness, anxiety, and extreme uprising of panic attacks has a lot to do with the fact that I have no idea why I am alive, why I am lucky enough to wake up in the morning and breathe fresh air and look at beautiful skies and feel cold breezes against my skin. Why I get to hug people, have people come into my life and change me and maybe I change them. Why I get to listen to music. Watch great movies. Experience things. Unfortunately, I’m letting all the wondering scare the shit out of me. I feel powerless. But I must have some sort of purpose. We all do.

Existential Crisis

I am having panic attacks lately about all the serious philosophical questions that one usually comes to ponder at one point in their life or another. The only difference is, people think about it and move on. I think about it and feel like I’m falling into a terrible pit of despair. The moment it hit me, it literally took seconds to ruin the next couple of days of my life. I don’t really want to blog about my mental issues, but I do want to keep going with it because this is one of the things I love in my life. I love music and movies and food and friendship. But I’m letting all these crazy thoughts and things I have no control over worry me. Currently, I’m stable. So I’m going to keep trying to sleep, because I honestly feel that I have exhaustion and burning the candle at both ends to blame for my sudden weakness. I guess the reason I wanted to mention it on here is because I want people to know that they aren’t alone if they worry like this. I feel alone, but I’d like to think that we all go through it at some point. And hopefully all the rest and relaxation I get today will heal everything up so I can continue being happy like I was a few days ago. It’s just another hurdle to jump.

The picture above was just something I did to take my mind off crap and because my hot pink Doc Martens make me happy.

My Sunday in photographs…

Needless to say…I had a pretty great day.

Puppos

I don’t know what it is lately. I am obsessed with cute little puppies. I seriously never liked animals growing up. And now, all the dogs I encounter make me want to laugh and hug and play until I cry. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

{All images from PaperTissue or Google}

Everyone loves dogs at work. We allow them to come in and we even have some biscuits in the back. So they get to come play with us. The other day, I was helping a man who let his dog Fletch run free through the office. He had a lot of work for me to take care of, so I was focused on that. But Fletch came around for a couple of pats. Before you know it, she was up on me, on my chair, and planting a huge kiss on my face. Back in the day, this would’ve bothered me so. But it made my week.

Friendly Fires

Cold hearts
Hold the world in your hands
Got me feelin’ lovesick
in your arms, in your arms…

This is exactly my type of music. I’m in looooove.

Alone but not lonely.

Things making me incredibly happy lately…

• The fresh clean feeling after a deliciously hot shower
• Music (currently obsessed with this and this)
• The sunshine peaking through the trees on my way to work
• Guitar Hero
• Relaxing in bed on a gray, rainy day

I think people tend to forget about all the little things that make them happy personally. Everyone always seems to be looking for something they don’t have…typically, at this age, a job or a partner to spend their days with. But the most important thing in the world is being comfortable with yourself.

If you don’t have that, you got nothin’.