The Truth Hurts

Sometimes, I want to shout it from the rooftops.
But I know I shouldn’t. And it’s better that way.

 

I guess…

Forgot to mention…

I just developed my first disposable camera. A lot has changed since the last time I dropped one of those suckers off (I believe it would’ve been 2005). Instead of one-hour or a week, your photos are done at Wal-Mart the next day. I got the disc. Most of the photos are from my crazy Wednesday night…

  But, another shot made me remember something I didn’t mention. E.M.T. (a.k.a. Ed’s Mystery Team) won first place at Pub Stumpers this week! We got a 30 dollar gift certificate for Shenanigans, so we won’t be paying for our food or drinks for a couple of weeks!
That’s the team, holding up the winning card! It was probably the highlight of my week…but considering I didn’t have it in digital camera form, I let it slip through the cracks.

Oh, and just for nerd’s sake…

 

my friends at the front of the line to see New Moon.

I got a new disposable today to bring to Tracy’s tonight. Hopefully, I will have some fun photos to share with you again in the nick of time.

It’s da freakin’ weekend.

Tomorrow promises to be good old-fashioned fun with a friend I hardly ever see anymore. Hopefully, the weekend as a whole will prove to be fun and relaxing at the same time.

So tonight, I’m staying in, watching a movie (or two), eating turkey leftovers, and relaxing. It’s been a strange and busy week.

Distractions.

When life isn’t going the way you’d really like it to, it seems like that’s the time you start to focus your energy on anything and everything else so you don’t go insane.

Lately, it’s been small things for me, like always having something to do, falling insanely in love with a particular movie (I don’t know why…I read the books and I enjoyed the cheesiness of the first movie, but this one was so good!), and just keeping a general busy attitude.

Unfortunately, when you find yourself with more free time, you realize what you had been doing the whole time. That’s not fun. But, before you know it, you’re back on track.

In the end, I think most of it is finally throwing shit away so you live your life instead of thinking/worrying/wondering it away. Calling these things distractions seems kind of harsh. Because, in reality, it has made me feel a lot better about myself. It wasn’t too long ago that I was worrying I wasn’t good enough or smart enough or confident enough or capable enough. Now, I feel more than capable and I know that I’m better than all of the bullshit.

Still…in the words sung by Sia in the song Distractions by Zero 7, sometimes “I only make jokes to distract myself from the truth.”

Giving Thanks.

{PaperTissue … What else?}

I got my first FULL paycheck today and it reminded me of how thankful I am for the job that I have. It was an insanely busy day, I’m assuming everyone is preparing for Christmas shopping come Black Friday. But I am finally actually making money. In less than a week, I will finally actually have my own insurance. And I didn’t have to do more than email a resume for this. I work hard and carefully everyday so that I can continue to do this and make money and have this schedule.

Since it’s Thanksgiving, I find it appropriate to say how thankful I am for the job and also, my friends, my family, my health, and my experiences. I have always had a tendency to fall into slumps and funks thinking my life should be so much more than it is.

But then I remember how many people have stood by my side and accepted me for who I really am (which I can honestly say isn’t always the easiest person to get along with). I remember that I’ve actually gone out of the country and experienced something on my own unlike many people I know. My family has accepted all my faults and dealt with all of my moods and episodes and done nothing but help me. They’ve supported all of the phases I’ve gone through. They continue to this day. And I still wake up every morning (even when I worry like the hypochondriac I am every night that I might not) and get to experience yet another day.

To everyone important in my life…you know who you all are – I love you so much. Thanks for being you and for letting me be me.

You Can Do No Wrong in My Eyes…

Seriously. Radiohead and frontrunner Thom Yorke never cease to amaze me. The music is so chaotic, and yet it makes complete sense. It’s genius. When I listen to their (or his) music, my mind gets a creative surge and I can’t help but feel any and every emotion the songs may evoke. I can’t even take it. It’s been nearly a decade since I fell in love and I have yet to fall out. In fact, I just keep falling deeper.

Thank you, guys. You make my life just a little bit better everytime.

Currently Obsessed With…

• New Moon! The movie (I want to see it again already!) and the soundtrack (It’s amazing. Favorites are Thom Yorke, Bon Iver, Lykke Li, and Grizzly Bear)…everything.
• Kristen Stewart’s hair. I cannot wait for my hair to grow! Not like that means I’ll have any chance at having hair this gorgeous.
  
• Triscuit crackers with cream cheese
• A glass (or two) of wine
• Never giving up hope or faith in my dreams…both the ones I make for myself while awake and the ones I have while I’m asleep. They have to mean something…

Team Jacob…?

How the heck is someone supposed to stay on Edward’s side when you get to look at this for about two hours?

Yeah…I know.

I’m weird. I loved it. I don’t care if it’s cheesy or lame or the world hates people who enjoy Twilight.

What a freakin’ day…

I think I’m officially burnt out for the week. Work was dead everyday but I guess that just meant everyone was waiting to drop by today. I can only imagine more people will be popping in tomorrow. On top of dealing with lots of work, I also haven’t been home for longer than what it takes to sleep and get ready before work for the past two days. I’m excited to relax in comfy clothes, watch a movie, and The Office is on tonight…oh yes. Don’t get me wrong though. The longer I’m out with friends, the happier I truly am. :)

{I need more pictures with all my friends. I miss my camera…}

This weekend should be good. My sister Maria is home again, and this time she’s staying through the whole week for Thanksgiving. I love when she’s here. I miss her when she isn’t. It just ain’t right to be apart. Anyway…we’ll be watching Twilight tomorrow (no worries, I’ve seen it a few times/own it haha) in preparation for New Moon on Saturday. Being the geek I am, I would’ve been there as soon as possible tomorrow (I can’t swing a midnight show, being an old biddy and all). But I’m waiting for my sister and, it turns out, all of my friends to go! It’s going to be deliciously cheesy.

Time to go turn off my mind.

Have a great weekend!

Preach.

I supported you, kid. Back when no one else did.

I’m weird

and gullible and lame and I fall for lines and tricks and stupid games. But I’m also fun, witty, and totally cool. I don’t know if you know that. I’m just a whole bunch of crap rolled up into a person. And I completely annoy and amuse and disappoint and surprise myself on a regular basis.

I suppose life can’t be boring if you’re crazy like me.

I could tell

from the minute I woke up, it was gonna be a lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely day.

I had a very low-key weekend and spent most of my time to myself. I was asleep by midnight both Friday and Saturday (Full-time jobs turn you into an old lady). Rented a bunch of movies. Relaxed. My one major outing was bowling with my long lost love Sarah. The thing about us is, we both have lived in the same city for all of our lives but we didn’t meet until college. She was a year ahead of me but we ended up getting super-close. The only problem is, we kept associating each other as “college friends” and forgetting the fact that we could’ve been hanging out a lot more frequently over summer and winter breaks. Now, she lives about an hour away. But she came home for the night and we had a blast, as per usual.

To be honest, I quite like spending time by myself. No trouble to get involved in. But I’ll always love being surrounded by people, talking and socializing. I can’t wait for an action-packed weekend soon enough.

“If you wanna play it like a game…

Well come on, come on, let’s play
'Cuz I’d rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one whole minute…”

Sing it, girl.

{Collage made from photos from here}

Off Day after a Day Off

It was so nice to have a full day in the middle of the week to do whatever I wanted. Lunch with my aunt and relaxing with my friends. It’s crazy how random days can surprise you.

However, I think it threw me out of balance. Today was rough at work. I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. I was overwhelmed. Counting seemed nearly impossible. I mean, everyone needs to remember, including myself, that it’s been less than a week since I’ve actually been doing the work. I am not going to be 100% confident of everything. I’m going to have to ask questions. I’m going to have to take my time.

But I got paid, and even though it was only for a week’s worth of work, I was pleased. I’m excited to see how a full pay period turns out. And how my life turns out.

Hopefully it’ll get back on track tomorrow.

And I like…

• having a day off in the middle of the week.
• Pub Stumpers.
• having a Blockbuster movie pass.
• that it’s almost like I have more freedom now that I have a full-time job. You’d think it would be the other way around…

I’m still bummed out about my camera. But until I get my Canon for Christmas(yes, I’m basically expecting it at this point), I’m going to focus on the Holga and (thanks to Ed) picking up a disposable camera like the good ol’ days.

I’m off to enjoy a movie and sleep in. So nice to have holidays off for a change.

More of the same.

Things are still goin’ good. The job is getting easier, as is the schedule transformation. I can’t stress how thankful I am.

But…can I have my new camera now? Because I’m pretty sure I killed mine. Which reminds me…I need a tripod. So I don’t risk this baby’s life by balancing it on shaky foundations and possibly allowing it to fall in the bathtub…or wherever.

If this sucker doesn’t work once it dries out, I may cry. My camera is one of my must-have purse items. You never know when something memory-worthy will happen…but it’s usually everyday. Time is flying anyway. I guess I’ll have one before I know it.

TGI Weekend

I love having my nights and weekends free. Things are going really well, and I’m so glad I got this job. Even more, I’m so thankful and blessed that I was even given this opportunity. I can only hope that everything continues to go so smoothly. I’m extremely lucky.

On top of that, I had a wonderful day today thanks to nice fall weather and my sister being home. I love when she’s here. We went out shopping all day (more like looking around but whatever) and for lunch, and now we’re going to stay in, watch Bored to Death, drink wine, and relax. Can’t ask for anything more.

My Style

{Image from PaperTissue. Which is obviously my favorite place to get photos :)}

• I spoke too soon, I think. Yes, waking up early sucks. But I’m feeling a little better today.
• I have a favorite t-shirt, but the reason I love it is a secret and that kinda makes me love it even more.
• Growing your hair is like watching the clock somewhere you don’t want to be. The more you glance, the slower time goes and the more torturous it is. The more I want it to grow, the longer it takes.
• Coupling is one of the best shows I’ve ever seen in my life. I’ve watched the entire series twice (and plan on doing it again) and have watched numerous episodes repeatedly. It is so clever and funny and identifiable (and I find it comforting). If you watch it, I’m sure you will fall in love.
• Things are going to get better. They already are. Yay!

Changeling

Today ended up being a very trying day for me. I don’t know if it was my lack of sleep, my hormones, the full moon, or the nerves, but I was teetering on the edge of hysterics for most of the day. I had several quick breakdowns once I finally got home (one was triggered by the new Macy’s commercial, another by a sentence someone told me about 4 years ago). I know this is a good thing, the new chapter, the next step. But…I don’t know, man.

There’s so much to learn, so much to be done. But what kills me is, I already know this isn’t something I’m passionate about. And it’s fine because it’s money and it’s benefits and it’s a stepping stone. But I wasn’t prepared for this. To get serious. I don’t want to be tired at 9:30 PM. That’s not me.

I miss college. I miss power hour after dinner. I miss movie nights at Rafter’s room in the Ramada. I miss walking down the block and being at my best friend’s place or my favorite bar. I miss King’s Cup and Flip Cup. I miss blasting my music so loud and getting ready to go out. And not worrying about going out until 10 PM. I miss staying up until 4 AM. I wish there was a way I could do it all over again. Especially senior year. And completely different this time. For starters, maybe I wouldn’t cut my hair so short again. Among other things.

I know it’s crazy to say so soon but I’m scared of losing my youth. I don’t want to stop doing crazy things ever. I don’t want to come home from work and be home all night. I want to do things and see things. Be places. I will work for the future. I will work for the life I want. Even if it sucks for now.

New Month, New Life

It’s November. The year is almost over! How did this happen? Where did the time go?

It still hasn’t sunk in that last night was my last time working (hopefully) at Blockbuster! I’ll miss it. It was a great gig, the best job I’ve had in my life so far. I’m glad that I was able to get and keep the job for 2 whole years. 

But now, it’s on to something a bit bigger. I don’t know what to expect. Part of me is nervous, but part of me is just ready to start the next chapter of my life. It’ll be nice to have something steadier. I don’t even know what to expect. Hopefully, the fact that I’m not freaking out so much is a sign that everything is going to work out fine. Hopefully.

EDIT: Great day. Perfect way to start off a new month. Loved this.