Another one bites the dust…

The week is over, though not necessarily for me. I have to work every third Saturday. It’s only 4 hours, so I shouldn’t complain (and I’ll proceed to have the next two off), but it cuts into sleeping-in-cuddling-watching-random-TV-diner-breakfast-relaxation-time (some of which I didn’t get enough of last weekend, even though I had a full 3 days). Regardless, the fact that it’s Friday puts a little skip in my step. The weekend, while short, should prove to be pretty sweet. Maria’s boyfriend (who is practically my brother) had his birthday this week, so we will be celebrating at the Bounce Funplex, which I’m both plenty excited and nervous about. And Sunday is my personal favorite award show…really the only one I watch and the only one I believe counts…The Oscars! I’ll be watching from my house, in the comfiest of comfy clothes, with my family, Riunite Lambrusco and plenty of cheese and dip and other tasty treats.

I’m currently running on empty. I’m exhausted and frazzled and body is pretty much reflecting my inner emotional and mental turmoil. Hopefully, though it’s only a day and a half, this weekend will recharge me.

Hope you have an excellent one!!!

TGIAF

The weekend is almost here. It has been a rough week, and I’ve let so many things hang over my head and ruin it for me.

I have one more issue to tackle. I’m super nervous. More details when I know more details…

Anyway, a full weekend is ahead. Tons of fun and relaxation to come.

Hope you all have a great weekend!!! (Stress-free, y’all.)

{Picture from the library last night. I love this.}

Holga Babies and Stress

It’s one of those weeks where I cannot wait for the weekend. Lately, I feel drained and blah. Lacking in inspiration and creativity. But I want to use this as drive for greater things.

Don’t like something? Change it.

The only problem is, I have a really hard time getting off my butt and getting things I want (unless it has a reasonable price tag). I never try and achieve my goals. And why shouldn’t I? This is my life. And I want to enjoy it and look back and thank God I got to do what I loved for so long. I want to wake up everyday excited to do my work. I want to express myself. I just have to do it.

It’s so sad that it’s hard for me to improve my life. I always take the easy way. Which is nice, because I have a job in a time when there are many who don’t. I am doing it for a reason. I believe that you have to work for things but I also believe that opportunities happen for a reason, that I must be doing this so that it can lead me to the next chapter. But I won’t talk about destiny and fate and all that stuff…too deep.

All I know is, I am excited to sleep in. I’m excited to be myself for a couple days, and not worry about rules or regulations. I just have to make it through tomorrow.

Changeling

Today ended up being a very trying day for me. I don’t know if it was my lack of sleep, my hormones, the full moon, or the nerves, but I was teetering on the edge of hysterics for most of the day. I had several quick breakdowns once I finally got home (one was triggered by the new Macy’s commercial, another by a sentence someone told me about 4 years ago). I know this is a good thing, the new chapter, the next step. But…I don’t know, man.

There’s so much to learn, so much to be done. But what kills me is, I already know this isn’t something I’m passionate about. And it’s fine because it’s money and it’s benefits and it’s a stepping stone. But I wasn’t prepared for this. To get serious. I don’t want to be tired at 9:30 PM. That’s not me.

I miss college. I miss power hour after dinner. I miss movie nights at Rafter’s room in the Ramada. I miss walking down the block and being at my best friend’s place or my favorite bar. I miss King’s Cup and Flip Cup. I miss blasting my music so loud and getting ready to go out. And not worrying about going out until 10 PM. I miss staying up until 4 AM. I wish there was a way I could do it all over again. Especially senior year. And completely different this time. For starters, maybe I wouldn’t cut my hair so short again. Among other things.

I know it’s crazy to say so soon but I’m scared of losing my youth. I don’t want to stop doing crazy things ever. I don’t want to come home from work and be home all night. I want to do things and see things. Be places. I will work for the future. I will work for the life I want. Even if it sucks for now.

Without the sour, the sweet wouldn’t taste as sweet…

{PaperTissue}

Oh man.

I really hope that all this stress and anxiety and worry and CRAZINESS is all for something better.

I’m trying to reassure myself with words like the title above. But it was the only thing I could think of in regards to how I feel. What are those sayings? You know, when people say that good things happen after bad things and what have you…only…well, snappier. And usually in a way that rhymes.

Now, I’ll just think about things that make life a little better like…

• Jesse Eisenberg
• Sleeping in
• Chili with cheese
• Poker
• Being creative
• Making plans to be creative with friends

I have a dream…

I still have no idea how or why this happened, but I am obsessed with photography. I am desperate to be out there, anywhere, taking photos of the beautiful people, places, and things that I see in my life.

I have an eventual goal. I want to be out there, snapping pictures, with a bag of cameras at my disposal. I have my Holga and her film. I want a Polaroid now that film is coming back. And I, of course, want my new digital camera…if I can ever find out what camera I want.

I can’t stress enough how much of a…well…stressful process this has become for me. I want something fantastic with a lot of great features but that isn’t too complicated for a beginner like me. And, of course, price is important. I just feel that, because I am a very cheap person, it’s hard for me to look past a certain price range. And I keep thinking, “Well, if I get this one, what if an even better one comes out.” And it’s all very frustrating.

It looks like I won’t be getting one ‘til Christmas, so I have time to debate, research, and possibly test as many as I can until then. However, my current camera is as good as dead. If I can get it to open, the lens never full comes out and most of my photos are blurry or rely on digital zoom to focus and are of the worst quality. I would love something ASAP.

It’s so exciting to think about having a new toy/tool to work with. And I expect to fully dedicate myself to whatever I get for as long as it works with me (which will hopefully be at least 4 years, like my current one did). But I’m just worried. When there’s so much to choose from…what do you choose?

Update: If I had my way…this would be mine.

Somethin’ wrong with that.

I don’t know if it’s my inability to sleep or my worry and stress, but I don’t feel or look much like myself these days. Makeup seems to fade quickly. My eyes have perma-circles. It’s disappointing. But I’m so uncomfortable at home. I miss my school bedroom. My comfy, slightly bigger bed (yes, my bed at school was bigger than my bed at home…not cool). My mind is so idle. I need to start doing more.

I guess I really need to work on myself physically. I’m trying to exercise more and take a multivitamin each day. But I definitely need to drink more water, eat more meals (and healthier ones too), and get out of the house as much as possible. I have a few fun things planned for my days off, on top of finishing up organizing my room and eventually making it a cozy place to be.

Just gotta be more care-free…

Don’t of the Week –5/18

I wonder if I will always be starting with a don’t…

My don’t this week seems fairly simple but it’s easier said then done:
DO NOT STRESS OUT!

I am a huge worrywart and stresser-outter and I must say, it is not a good way to be. I mean, I am about to embark on the rest of my life, and it’s very exciting. However, I find myself stuck in more drama in the last two days than I have been in the last two months at school. Perhaps I am blowing things out of proportion considering I’m in this strange emotional/mental state. But…no matter what, I’m encouraging all of you to take a breather!

I don’t know about you, but I tend to carry the woes of others on my shoulder. I got it from my mom. We care about and love our friends and we don’t want anyone to be upset. But we tend to act like therapists when we aren’t strong enough ourselves and start carrying everyone else’s problems around on top of our own.

If you do this, or if you do anything that hinders you from having a wonderful time no matter what you are doing, then I am urging you to take a break. We will always find something to worry or stress about, and we will do so. It’s only natural. But if you can do anything for a little bit such as:

• Lay outside and soak in the sunshine with your headphones
• Cook or eat one of your favorite meals
• Hug your mom, dad, sister, boyfriend, puppy, stuffed animal, pillow…
• Watch a TV show on Hulu
• Take a nap
• Take a ride to a playground and sit on the swings for a bit
• Cry, Scream, Laugh

then please…do it! It is my birthday and I am overloaded with things to think about. But I’m going to get some Chinese, maybe a fruity drink or two, and relax with some great friends.

Remember to be a little selfish sometimes. Your good friends will still be there when you’re done. Your family will always be there. And there will be more worries another day that you’ll avoid as well.

Take it easy, folks :)

And in the words of Hot Chip: “Don't want all this cold cold shit,
throw off your shirt and let's get hot hot hot.”

Image from Flickr