Sayonara.

I don’t know what it is. The early nightfall? The massive decrease in temperature? Slushy wet snow? This week was very…funky. And not in the good funky way. Each day at work, I found myself bored out of my mind, staring at the clock, and waiting for 4:30 PM. Luckily, the time has come. I’m very excited to say sayonara to the week and welcome the weekend with big, wide open arms.

At least there have been things to look forward to to get me through. Tonight, Brad has a decent chance of winning a trip to Florida (right place, right time last Friday). And Saturday night, I will be spending time with my dear friends, rocking a delightfully tacky Christmas sweater and enjoying seasonal brews. So excited to get into the Holiday spirit with the gang.

And, even though the week was tough…there were some redeeming moments too.

The tree is up at our house!!!

Cute puppy Artie, getting cozy in Maria’s Missoni for Target blanket.

Sweet Anniversary flowers from my dad to my mom!

A little lovey doodle I drew at work…I’m not usually artistic, and I’m not saying this is great but it’s the best I’ve ever done haha.

Wednesday nights with boyfriend made even better with amazing meals.

Here’s to an excellent weekend! Let’s all enjoy!!!!!

A “The Weekend is So Close” Happy List

I’m putting it lightly when I say that the last couple of weeks have been tough. One of the lessons in the book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (an amazing book I received as a birthday present from Brad last year that I couldn’t recommend more) is “Be Aware of the Snowball Effect of Your Thinking.” And it couldn’t be more true. When you’re in a good mood, everything seems perfect. You love your friends and family, your job, the weather, everything you’re doing. But when a bad mood strikes, that’s it. You hate everyone in your life and want to be alone. You curse yourself and feel like you can’t do anything right. Work sucks. People suck. The world sucks. Life sucks. It’s so easy to get sucked into the negative downward spiral of a bad mood…and it can totally consume your life.

I suppose that’s where I’ve been lately. Every ache and pain, which can be normal, gets my brain cogs moving in overdrive. My skin is annoyingly pubescent at the moment. Waking up is a dreaded and complicated process. The thought of wearing anything other than my Danskin comfy pants is exhausting.

I cannot just snap out of these things, unfortunately. It’s not in my blood, in my genes. But little steps help. Watching a movie with friends. Brad visiting me at home (it feels like I haven’t seen him in ages..). Reading happy blogs. Whatever. I’m hoping that, with a little extra help and some rallying inside of myself, I will snap back to the regular me…the one that randomly disappeared a couple of weeks ago.

But back to the original purpose of the post…the happy list! The good things in life! The silver lining in the cloud.

• Gold Peak white tea with citrus
• Community. I didn’t like it at first, but it really grew on me. Such a funny and happy show.
• My Tuesday/Thursday TV nights with friends. Glee, Parks and Rec, Jersey Shore. Yes I watch the Jersey Shore. And I absolutely love it. Whatevah.
• Ke$ha songs. This might get me in trouble too, and my boyf hates her. But they are so catchy and fun. Sometimes I just want to dance, forget about worries, listen to things that don’t drag me in deeper.
• Peel-Off face masks
• Planning outfits in my head for the weekend and fun times
• Spring will be here soon enough
• Planning out my summer vacation

Winter Funk.

I’m starting to debate whether or not my winter blues is just the winter blues. I’m in an absolute and terrible funk. It’s tough to think about and get out of now, but I’ve been here before…I know I can do it.

Currently missing…
Light jackets. Sunshine. Driving with the windows down. Bare legs. The first warm days of Spring. Cherry blossoms. Dinner on the deck. Grilled food. Wandering around with my camera. Days at the lake. Floating in the pool. Sun kissed shoulders. Corona and lime. Late nights. Vacation. Sleepy post-swim body. Sunglasses. Green grass. Corn on the cob. Painted toes. Skirts and dresses without freezing. Strappy sandals. Tan lines. Fresh air. Cutting my jeans into shorts.

Debbie Downer

It's unfortunate that its only two days after my initial funk that I am still being called a Debbie Downer, despite the fact that I mood has picked up significantly.
Maybe I am just that pessimistic. I never really liked to think of myself as negative, but man, I do usually think the worst in every situation.
Maybe this feeds into that too much, but I would like to share with you my current likes and dislikes. Perhaps I should do the dislikes first. To end on a positive note.

Dislikes of the Moment:
- Feeling fat and constantly obsessing about the reappearance of a double chin and jiggly thighs.
- My hair, which is growing out annoyingly, and the fact that I hate it even though probably no one notices anything wrong with it.
- Being broke and being depressed about the next check, not being stoked about it.
- Being insecure about everything.
- People disliking the EX and pretending to be friends one second, that hating him the next.
- Friendship fading.
- My messy room reflecting my messy life.
- Thinking about the future.
- Slacking on reading.
- People who can ruin my mood with just their presence.
- Waking up exhausted.

Likes of the Moment:
- The weather, which has gone from icy ice cold to slightly warmer and sunnier with the promise of Spring.
- My hot pink Doc Martens boots.
- Imaging myself with a septum piercing.
- The promise of good pre-streets in the back room of Blockbuster on Wednesdays.
- Replacing jeans with leggings of all colors and designs.
- Music that makes me feel sexy, even if I have no one to be sexy with right now. (i.e. Minus the Bear, Kings of Leon, etc.)
- Thinking about tomorrow's outfit.
- A good bottle or can of beer.
- Vintage pins to spruce up wearing the same old sweaters.
- Seth Rogen.
- Having a little bit of cash on me.
- Being able to pull my hair back.
- Looking forward to the weekend.
- Pictures of good times.
- Big cans of hairspray.
- Brightly colored eyeshadows and looking good in the morning.
- My greenish tealish skinny jeans.
- My cell phone and texting constantly.
- Thinking about having my own place.
- Lines from Hiroshima Mon Amour that I cannot find online unfortunately.
- Jazz dance.

See, there is more I like right now. I just never let it settle in.
I gotta do that.
As for right now, its gorgeous out. I feel like I should be doing something, or going somewhere. But there's nothing to do (fun, anyway. I should work on my homework) and nowhere to really go until later. For now, I'll crank my music and keep the window open and the sunshine comin' in.

Bummer.

I hate funks with no explanation.
I hate when, one second ago I was fine and the next I feel like I don't wanna leave my bed.
I know I need to make some sort of life path, some decision on how I want to live my life. But it is so damn hard for me, for some strange reason, to make any decision, especially when that decision can change things I've become so used to.

I can sit around, be single, see where my life takes me, see how my situations pan out.
Or I can try, again, to be in something that I am not sure I want to be in because I'm not sure if its my heart or my mind that's keeping me back.
Does that make sense? Probably not. I don't make much.

In other news, I had a decent weekend.
Drank on Thursday. Watched movies on Friday. Stayed in with roomie Lauren and best friend Rafter on Saturday. Went to a car show in Philly with dad and sister yesterday.
I still want to get my septum pierced. If I won't loathe myself too much for spending money that I shouldn't really spend on it this weekend, I think I will do it.
This week doesn't feel like it will be that great.
So maybe it will make it better.
Or maybe it will make it worse.
Whatever.